The Day We Buried Bob at Bunnings

The Day We Buried Bob at Bunnings

©Tony King 2021

 

 

The day that Bob departed, was a tragedy for his mates

 We were evenly divided, was it hell or pearly gates?

Wherever he was going, not a person thought it cool

 Only 10 of us could send him off, it was the cruellest COVID rule

 Now Murphy was a thinker, and his beard was duly scratched 

With his smoke down to the filter, a plan had surely hatched 

Now Bunnings has no limit, long as we all wear our masks

 "I say we bury Bob at Bunnings!!", Murphy shouted out the tasks. 

"We can't waddle in like penguins, or the secret will be spilt! 

We have to smuggle Bob in, there's a coffin to be built!" 

The tools were in aisle 13, and the nails in aisle 9 

The timber down in 14 where we cleaned them out of pine. 

The day we buried Bob at Bunnings, the day we buried Bob at Bunnings, 

The day we buried Bob at Bunnings, at Bunnings. 

 

Then an unexpected detail formed a blockage in aisle 1

 Bob's wish was to be buried in a dodecahedron

 Now nobody could spell it and the thought was to truncate it

 'Til a 12 year old with a napkin showed it's not so complicated.

 The paint was found at 22, the handles aisle 16

 And the chisel and the hinges down the end of aisle 15 

We fitted his port barrel and then we screwed in the brass tap 

They were out of stock with velvet, so we went with bubble wrap. 

The day we buried Bob at Bunnings, the day we buried Bob at Bunnings, 

The day we buried Bob at Bunnings, at Bunnings

 

But in Bob's final wishes a small detail had been found

It clearly said "cremated" and not buried in the ground

But seizing on the moment like a bloodhound on the scent

 Murphy simply pointed, to the BBQs we went. 

We found a big 6 burner and we asked him for a demo.

 "Is it ok if we... cook our own?", he said "yeah no problemo"

 The moment then got awkward, 'til a tradie saved the day

 And gave the bloke a slab to help him look the other way.

 There were garden centre flowers, and a garden centre urn

 And one by one we came, to give the sausages a turn.

 We burnt him to a cinder and just in case, we had a hose

At least the masks had stopped his ash from getting up our nose. 

 

We did the speeches at the gnomes, just past the solar waterfalls

And we didn't need the coffin after all. 

The day we buried Bob at Bunnings, the day we buried Bob at Bunnings, 

The day we buried Bob at Bunnings, at Bunnings. 

The day we buried Bob at Bunnings, the day we buried Bob at Bunnings, 

The day we buried Bob at Bunnings, at Bunnings.